My adventure is beginning! First stop Edinburgh for Hogmanay!

27 Dec 2013

I flew through Dublin on Aer Lingus. The first flight was pretty nice, because it was international. It surprised me because Aer Lingus is usually a pretty cheap airline that makes money by charging for EVERYTHING. The food was good, service was good and generally it was a smooth flight, right up until the end. The wind in Dublin was crazy bad making for a very tense landing. The giant plane was blowing all over. But the pilot stuck the landing and got a big round of applause from the passengers. Pro Tip: Call or go online and book your checked bags in advance. The fee is reduced.

The Dublin airport was FREEZING. I took to hiding in the bathroom which was heated. Yes, just sitting in a stall on my iPod. When I wasn’t chillin in the bathroom I was curled into a ball in a tiny nook I found behind a heated restaurant. At this point I think I was about 24 hours in with only 3 hours of sleep, so I was a pretty sad panda. Pro Tip: Bring a carry on and a personal item. Flying through Dublin I was allowed to have both, probably because it was an international flight. Double check if you’re flying within Ireland.

I was told I could only have one carry on, no personal item. Not true, everyone on the flight besides me seemed to have gotten that memo. Customs said as long as whatever you bought was OK if it was still sealed. So I could have brought cheap vodka from the States ARRRRGGGGG!!!

The next flight was a regional plane to Edinburgh. It was the tiniest plane ever, propellers and everything. An adrenaline-fueled mother could have probably lifted it off her baby. Pro Tip: You can bring Duty Free liquids (a.k.a. stock up on booze) through Dublin. As long as the container and Duty Free wrapping is still sealed.

As mention before, the weather was terrible, so my flight was delayed about 3 hours, though they delayed it in 45 minute increments so I couldn’t just go pass out somewhere. I had to keep emerging from my warm hiding spots to check the status of the flight. I can.t imagine what the people thought of me emerging from the bathroom every 30 minutes, just to go back in.

The tiny little plane was closer to what I expect from European flights, and Aer Lingus. Everything cost money, even juice and water. Luckily I’d just chugged the water bottle I’d filled in O’Hare in Dublin customs, I always forget I have it until the guy up front starts asking about liquids. At least I was well hydrated and avoided $5 plane water with poop in it. (Seriously, studies show planes have the highest rate of coliforms in their water. It is less true of the individual bottles, but those are bad for other reasons). It was a surprisingly smooth flight for a prop plane, though once again the landing was crazy. The weather was awful in Edinburgh too and the plane was literally blowing sideways. Our pilot was determined, though, and rather than taking another pass he just dove in for a fast landing. I think he was a fighter pilot reject with something to prove. We made it. The upside was I was late enough for Bertha to come get me rather than having to wander around Edinburgh trying to find her apartment loaded with 100 lbs of luggage. Cobblestones are death to luggage wheels. We pretty much both got to the airport pickup site at the exact same time.

Of course we went to a bar that night; what’s jet lag? It was a metal bar called Opium which was filled with a nice mix of people, from normal looking to completely goth-ed out. The later we stayed the more metal they got. The music was all 80s metal and nothing current, but I’ll take that over Top 40 any day. I found some friends to head bang with and that was fun. I had a haggis bomb, which is Irn-Bru and Jager, a Desperado, which is Mexican beer with tequila in it, and I found the Holy Grail! Dragon, which is their equivalent of 4Loko, the caffeinated kind! Why do I insist on repeating my 4Loko mistakes?? This is the most poignant reminder that just because something exists doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Despite all that we managed to make a good decision and left a little before 2a.

28 Dec 2013

We began the day with some Will Farrell. We started with Anchorman, after which we attempted to watch The Campaign. Unfortunately the associated drinking game we found for it was super boring. So we switched to Elf, which has a delightful drinking game involving candy canes and puffins. Also, there are entire websites devoted to making everything a drinking game!

Next was beer pong! I beat Bertha at all three games of beer pong, the games were close but it was amusing that the one time we took pictures I was significantly ahead and someone called her out on it.

By the time we were ready to go out was already almost midnight so we chugged our shooters and headed out. We went to a bar called Espionage. Apparently it’s very dodgy by Scottish standards (read: perfect for Americans!). The dance club was four floors down in a nice cave-y type place. Very cool. Pro Tip: The cabs in Edinburgh are nearly instantaneous. Don’t call unless you’re ready to go!

We danced pretty much alone for the first hour. At one point were were joined by a creepy guy and his friend. We we mostly avoiding them when one kinda danced by us followed by a noxious smell. He crop dusted us! He left a few minutes later. I told Bertha I thought he had left, but Bertha said he was probably going to the bathroom because he pooped himself. He did come back after about 30 minutes, so he was probably pooping.

We left the dance floor to go to the bathroom ourselves, not pooping though, and found an awesome vending machine in the bathroom. It had sticky boobs, penises, and blow up sheep. Wayyy more useful than those feminine product vending machines.

Anyway at this point some guys at the bar who had kinda been hitting on Bertha. The one started hitting on her more and after about an hour of complete indecision determined that we were worth the investment and bought us shots. They talked a little more and I just kinda did my own thing. We ended up leaving around 4. Once again we tried and failed to find a chip shop. How can it be this hard?!?!